When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

What are you people doing?

making this crap up.

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Why was my other pillow jealous?

Because I like to sleep around.

Why does Ms. Piggy use honey and vinegar douche?

Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

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When a hot blonde walks in. The one lawyer says, "Man, wouldn't you like to screw that?

and the other lawyer replies, "Outta what "

What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?

He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."