When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj?

A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

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Who sang the song "my own worst enemy"?

Them: I think it's Lit Me: I mean I like the song but I wouldn't call it lit...

Who here likes Olympic Frisbees?

Discus.

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When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

How will I ever find the right woman?

She replied "Forget finding the right woman, focus on being the right man."