When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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Why do people smile in Africa?

So they won't run into each other in the dark.

What kind of dog do IT people prefer?

A Dobie

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How do you know a blonde likes you?

A: She screws you two nights in a row.

What do dolphins like to listen to?

Podcasts.

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What width?

She replied: "with scissors of course."

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied... ...It's hard