Why Can't Atheists Solve Exponential Equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

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What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

both can be solved with a coat hanger

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What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?

A "no one will ever believe me".

What's the dating scene like at MIT?

Carbon-14 is the most common method, I believe.

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How does an atheist start their prayers?

To Whom It May Concern

What does the atheist say when he arrives at the Pearly Gates?

I'll be goddamned.

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Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.