Why did the storm trooper decide to buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the right droid he was looking for.

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What did the baker say after he found the dough he had lost?

That's just what I kneaded!

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

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Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary?

He didn't want to be mainstream.

Why did the entrepreneur decide to go into the landfill business?

He heard it was a growing field.

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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin?

Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays