Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

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When can you operate?

lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!!!

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What's the most stupid part about telling a rude joke on Reddit?

Offensive)

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

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Who's there ! Beets ! Beets who ?

Beets me but I just forgot the joke !

Who laughs the last?

The one who you have to explain the joke to.

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How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

What is the philosophy of a necrophiliac?

Sit back, relax and crack open a cold one