How can you tell when a vampire is sick?

By his coffin!

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

When someone tells me they're a bodybuilder, I always ask "Not the Dr. Frankenstein kind, right?

because you can never be too careful.

How can you tell that the hippie kid got laid?

Two clean fingers.

Vampire Jokes More Vampire Jokes

What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?

A coffin break.

What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie?

You can't dip a vampire in your tea.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"