How did the midget feel when he found out he was retarded?

A little Down.

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What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list?

Finding an empty bottle in the trash.

What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her

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When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

What is the worst part of a prostate exam?

Feeling the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

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What do you call a football team full of retards?

Special teams.

How did the midget feel when he found out he was retarded?

A little Down.

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Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

Who has to always be on there toes?

A midget at a urinal.