How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?

A: Shoot one.

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How do you make a dead dog shake?

2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop dead dog.

What do you call rice on 2 legs?

Pi Ok, I'm leaving now.

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Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen

Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

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Which fairy tale character would be most likely to be shot by the police?

An un-armed gingerbread man

Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"