How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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Why did little Johnny lose his ice cream?

He got his by a bus. My little brother just told me this!

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

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What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.