How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

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What'd Gandhi say when his friend told him to leave the protest?

Na 'ma ste

Where do weirdos ride their bicycles?

Psycho-paths. (as told by one of my coworkers)

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Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

you barium