Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

How do chemists poison each other?

With a Pb & J sandwich

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

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Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What did the douchebag say to the chemist when he dropped his beaker?

U mad scientist?

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

Pu

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

you barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

Why are chemists such whores?

They keep talking about their nitrates

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter

How do chemists get high?

they drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Pronounce Jokes More Pronounce Jokes

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What do you call cantaloupe flavored gum?

A: A Ty-lemma (pronounced like dilemma)

Plumber Jokes More Plumber Jokes

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist?

Pronounce this word: unionized

Unionize Jokes More Unionize Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ?

Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Crash Jokes More Crash Jokes

Why did the people's phones stop working on the plane's that crashed into the twin towers?

They were in airplane mode. (I'm so sorry)

Why are so many Koreans named Park?

Because the ones named Drive all died in crashes.

Market Jokes More Market Jokes

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

What do you call the corner of the market that specializes in philosophy?

A Nietzsche market!

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

How many didn't?

Ten. (Shame this one doesn't work too well for reddit - the funniest part of this joke is the third punchline enjoying people struggle to understand what the hell you're talking about.)

Which web developer enjoys finding bugs?

A spider!

Dead Chemist Jokes More Dead Chemist Jokes

What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium

What do you do with dead chemists?

Barium

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell two people are married?

Both are yelling at the same kid.

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world?

You mean across