Chemist Jokes

Why did some chemists go broke?

The bond market crashed.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Why did the chemist join the Pentecostal church?

He wanted to speak in tungsten.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

How do chemists poison each other?

With a Pb & J sandwich

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

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Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

What did the douchebag say to the chemist when he dropped his beaker?

U mad scientist?

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

How do you tell a chemist no?

Nitrogen Monoxide

What do you do when a Chemist dies?

You Barium.

What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like?

What do you do to a chemist after they're dead?

you barium

What did the Chemist have with his Eggs?

Barium, Cobalt and Nitrogen.

Why are chemists such whores?

They keep talking about their nitrates

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Why are chemists always a part of the problem?

Because they can never be a part of the solution.

Why wasn't the chemist concerned when she blew up her experiment?

Oxidants happen,

What did a chemist say to a deaf guy?

Does it matter

How do chemists get high?

they drop acid of course

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why did the chemist break his teeth?

He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon

Why was the chemist not able to get very far in his study of acids?

He was only willing to consider the most basic of solutions.

What do chemists make guacamole out of?

Avogadros

Why couldn't the chemist laugh at the queens fart?

Because noble gases are nonreactive.

Why couldn't the Dubstep artist be a chemist?

He couldn't stop dropping the base!

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

What do you do to a chemist after they die?

You Barium

Why did the chemist die?

He ate a Pb and J sandwich.

What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died?

Barium

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What does a chemist say when he's pouring water into an acid?

Drop the base.

Why did the chemist never say "NO" to anything?

Because the reaction could be explosive.

What did the chemist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

How does a chemist introduce Batman?

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!

What do we do when chemists die?

We barium.

Why do Chemists have so much debt?

Because they have so much Antimony!

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Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

How do Hawaiians subtly enjoy a bad joke?

with a low "ha"

Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf?

Because it's too much like work what with all of the lying involved.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice-cream?

Sure, Bert!

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why are Mexicans bad at UNO?

They steal all the green cards.

Why did the spy steal the laptop?

It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'.

Helium Jokes More Helium Jokes

What do they call helium, neon, argon,krypton on the REALLY COLD planet?

Noble rocks

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

Poison Jokes More Poison Jokes

Why do you give children who swallowed poison some milk?

To make them happy before they die.

Who poisoned the waters in the 2016 Olympics?

It was I, **RIO**!!!

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do they have fences around cemetaries?

Because people are dying to get in.

When people say "May I ask who's calling?

I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

Unionize Jokes More Unionize Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a factory worker, and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

What's the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber?

The way they pronounce "unionized"