How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

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Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who would win?

everyone

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why does Helen Keller only masterbate with one hand?

She needs the other to moan.

Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases?

To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd.

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.