Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?

It took ears off his life!

Lettuce Pray Jokes More Lettuce Pray Jokes

What did the priest say at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

What do they say in vegetable church?

Lettuce pray.

Beet Jokes More Beet Jokes

Knock! Knock! Who's there! Beets! Beets who?

Beets me but I just forgot the joke!

Who raided my vegetable patch?

PIGLET: Beets me!

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What do you call someone who claims to do drugs to try to look cool?

A marajuannabe.

Why do strippers look better in the club than outside the club?

Black lights matter.

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What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?

I don't know they were speaking Spanish.

What do you call a little spanish girl that searches for Redditors?

Fedora the explorer.

Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

They all dress like Dobby.

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night.

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Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Honeymoon Salad Jokes More Honeymoon Salad Jokes

How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes