Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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When did Caesar reign ?

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Where are the humans?

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What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

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What's the diffrence between a girl in a church and a girl in a bath?

The girl in a church has a soul full of hope and the girl in a bath has, well... EDIT: better structure.

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they got no organs.

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What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

Lettuce prey"

What does a vegetarian hunter say before dinner?

Lettuce prey"

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What is a double-wide salad?

It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

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What did the man get for winning the muscle relaxing contest?

Atrophy!

Who is guaranteed to win?

Society.

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How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April?

The snow on top of it has melted.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!