Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

What do you call a cross dressed robot?

Android-gynous

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?

Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why is there no mexican olympics?

Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder

What did the Cherokee-Polish couple name their firstborn?

Running Stupid

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

What did one priest say to the other priest?

Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

Whats the best way to castrate a priest?

Kick the alter boy in the chin

Epileptic Jokes More Epileptic Jokes

What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?

Laundry.

Where do epileptics get pizza?

Little Seizures.

Turnip Jokes More Turnip Jokes

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What vegetable parties the hardest?

A Turnip.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know a North Korean robbed your house?

All your printer paper is gone and when you look at the printer history it's all Kim Jong-un.

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...