Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Why do Storm Troopers like churchs?

Cuz of all the pews. I hate myself

What do you call a whirlpool in a church?

Holy water!

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

How do you know a Black woman is pregnant ?

The cotton in her tampon is picked

How do you pick up my ex girlfriend?

With a broom and a dustpan.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

Caesar Jokes More Caesar Jokes

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

Mathematician Jokes More Mathematician Jokes

Why don't mathematicians have degrees?

They prefer radians.

Why did the mathematician get pulled over?

for drinking and deriving

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What does a greengrocer weigh?

Vegetables.

What did Michael Jackson say to the Vegetables?

Just beet it

Turnip Jokes More Turnip Jokes

What did the farmer say to Lil Jon?

Turnip for what

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's the worst thing to hear after giving head to Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

What has a head, a tail, and no body?

A coin!