Salad Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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What is a blonde's favorite vegetable?

Salad

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

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What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed."

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What is Shaun Morgan's favorite food?

Seether salad

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!"

How do you make a chicken salad?

Make a salad and give it to a chicken.

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHILARIOUS

What do you get when you put two different vinaigrettes in your salad?

Cross-dressing

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What is a double-wide salad?

It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

Why did the salad cross the road?

To get away from the PETA convention.

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?

It became a daddy short legs !

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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Waitress Jokes More Waitress Jokes

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.

Caesar Jokes More Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

Who's there ! Caesar ! Caesar who ?

Caesar quickly before she gets away !

Honeymoon Salad Jokes More Honeymoon Salad Jokes

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Seizure Salad Jokes More Seizure Salad Jokes

What to you call epileptic lettuce?

Seizure salad.

What is Sean Connery's favorite dish?

A seizure salad.

Lettuce Jokes More Lettuce Jokes

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

Soup Jokes More Soup Jokes

What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would have been too farty.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

Hen Jokes More Hen Jokes

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Neither, it was the selfish Rooster that came first and the Hen never even finished.

Why do hens sit on eggs?

because they're too poor to afford chairs.