Salad Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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What is a blonde's favorite vegetable?

Salad

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

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What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed."

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What is Shaun Morgan's favorite food?

Seether salad

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!"

How do you make a chicken salad?

Make a salad and give it to a chicken.

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHILARIOUS

What do you get when you put two different vinaigrettes in your salad?

Cross-dressing

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What is a double-wide salad?

It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

Why did the salad cross the road?

To get away from the PETA convention.

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?

It became a daddy short legs !

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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Person Jokes More Person Jokes

What do you call a person who steals and is then praised by his/her friends?

A Redditor.

How many calories does heartache burn?

Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

A: No eye-deer.

What's worse than a poke in the eye with a hot stick?

Nothing. Trust me.

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

How do chickens get strong?

They egg-cersize.

Who's no chicken?

Donald duck.

Honeymoon Salad Jokes More Honeymoon Salad Jokes

How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

Salad Bar Jokes More Salad Bar Jokes

What did the priest say at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

What's this for?

He asked. "A pay rise." I replied. "My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

Soup Jokes More Soup Jokes

What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup?

Yum Yum."

How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?

A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

What's the difference between pink and purple?

The grip.