Salad Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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What is a blonde's favorite vegetable?

Salad

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

Why did the lettuce blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

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What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed."

What dressing would you like on your salad?

Me: Ice cream

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What is Shaun Morgan's favorite food?

Seether salad

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What does an unfunny person tell a salad?

Teach me senpai!

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!"

How do you make a chicken salad?

Make a salad and give it to a chicken.

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHILARIOUS

What do you get when you put two different vinaigrettes in your salad?

Cross-dressing

Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?

Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno.

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Why did the tomato turned red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What is a double-wide salad?

It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

Why did the salad cross the road?

To get away from the PETA convention.

What does Popeye use to toss his salad?

Olive Oil.

Why did the cabbage whistle?

Because it saw the salad dressing

What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?

It became a daddy short legs !

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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What do you call a lemon staring at an elderly lady?

Citric Flaccid

How do you pick out the extroverted engineer?

He's the one staring at YOUR feet when he talks

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What else did I forget?

WHERE IS MY BABY ! Wait, do I have one of those DO I HAVE A BABY !

Whats easier than stealing candy from a baby?

Stealing candy from a dead baby.

Frown Jokes More Frown Jokes

Why was the Mathematician frowned upon?

He was a chronic math-debater

Why did the Ethiopian child have a frown?

He was having his mid life crisis!

Afford Jokes More Afford Jokes

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

Why couldn't the clown make balloon animals for the children?

With inflation raising the cost he couldn't afford it.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks?

Because it's black. Sorry.

What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?

Who ordered the two jumbos?!"

Epileptic Jokes More Epileptic Jokes

What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics?

Seizure Salad.

What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?

A seizure salad!

Caesar Jokes More Caesar Jokes

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire