Caesar Jokes

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

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How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

What is Lil Wayne's favorite food?

Caesar salad

What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson?

Etude, Brute?"

What did Octavian say when he stormed Cleopatra's gardens?

Caesar salad

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova?

Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered." Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came."

What did Caesar say when was in agreement?

I came. I saw. I concurred.

What did Caesar say when playing battleship?

A2 Brute.

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What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?

Irritable Brawls in Rome

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ?

Toga-ether we can rule the world !

When did Caesar reign ?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

Who's there ! Caesar ! Caesar who ?

Caesar quickly before she gets away !

What did Caesar say after crossing the river Rubicon?

Can someone get me some dry socks "

How do you divide old Rome?

Using a pair of Caesars.

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Why don't you go down on a girl in the morning?

Have you ever tried to split a grilled cheese

Why did the bowler bring two pairs of pants?

He wanted a spare in case he had a split.

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What animal will you always see at a resturant?

A DINE-O-SAUR. I think my brother is a future stand-up comic.

What's the definition of a redneck virgin?

A 7 year-old girl who can run faster than her brothers.

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What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?

A Chicken Caesar salad

What do you call a hen staring at a lettuce?

A chicken Caesar salad.

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Why did the man use deodorant to fix a broken window?

He read that it was an invisible solid.

Who's cheese is on those chips?

Fixed And I said, "Well, obviously *na-chos*." Get it It sounds like '*not yours*' with an accent.

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What do you call a Hispanic midget?

Paragraph. Because he's not even a full ese.

What do Hispanic midgets cut their pizza with?

Little Caesar's

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What's your funniest yet least known joke?

I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

Why didn't Tim have any friends while he was studying fishing?

Because he would just go home and master bait.

Khan Jokes More Khan Jokes

What do you call an snobbish Mongolian ruler going down the stairs?

A condescending Khan descending.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

Pair Jokes More Pair Jokes

Why are they called Tuna Fish?

Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh.

What do you call a pair of stubborn testicles?

A refuse sack.