Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee?

Because he started drinking it before it was cool.

How do you know if a pepper is starting a fight with you?

It gets jalapeno face.

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

Why did the boxer bring a bar of soap into the ring?

The referee said he wanted a clean fight. :D

How do you launder money?

Put it under the soap.

Bubble Bath Jokes More Bubble Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What's the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bubble bath?

The girl in church has her soul full of hope...

Egyptians Jokes More Egyptians Jokes

How do Egyptians warn each other about a spreading fire?

Pyroglyphs.

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

Computer Scientist Jokes More Computer Scientist Jokes

Why are all computer scientists such pessimists?

They always worry about the worst case!

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

How are you supposed to buy a gift for your mom as an adult?

It's like, oh you gave birth to me Please enjoy this fancy candle.

What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

Tumblr User Jokes More Tumblr User Jokes

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.

Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen?

They are afraid of triggers.