Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

Why can't priests have children?

Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.

How do you know that you're too old?

When the priest doesn't look at you anymore.

Lettuce Pray Jokes More Lettuce Pray Jokes

What do they say in vegetable church?

Lettuce pray.

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

Hypocrite Jokes More Hypocrite Jokes

Why is the fungus such a hypocrite?

because it doesn't have mushroom to talk.

What church do hypocrites belong to?

All of them.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What starts with "E" and has only one letter in it?

Envelope!

How do you get a fire started?

You burn some fagots Look up the definition before commenting/down voting...

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head?

A: He's been chasing parked cars.

What did one hat say to the other hat?

You wait here, I'm going to go on a head.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?

A CABBAGE!

What is the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair. sorry

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.

What did the atheist say when he saw Jesus?

I can't believe this. What did he tell his atheist friend? You won't believe this.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a fox and a pig?

About six drinks

What is the difference between batman and a black guy?

Batman can walk into a store without Robin