Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Lettuce Pray Jokes More Lettuce Pray Jokes

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What did the priest say at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

How do Muslims do foreplay?

They tickle the goat on the chin.

What does a redneck say for foreplay?

Brace yourself, Linda-Lou"

Tumblr Jokes More Tumblr Jokes

How can you tell if you bought lube from Tumblr?

Because it Lubri-Can't Even!

Why does Tumblr hate symmetrical shapes?

Because they can't even

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How much for a haircut?

Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.

Why are people not right in the head?

Because on the left side of the brain there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left!

Hypocrite Jokes More Hypocrite Jokes

How do you tell a hypocrite from a normal person?

The hypocrite's the one that exists.

What do you call an equation with no solution?

A hypocrite.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why have all the immigrants left?

They had no rights.

What's the difference between Americans and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it'll grow a culture

Book Jokes More Book Jokes

What do you call a teeth specialist who writes books?

An author-dontist Wahey!

What is a ginger author doing when they plant a misleading clue in their book?

Red hairing.

Computer Scientist Jokes More Computer Scientist Jokes

Where do computer scientists go to have a drink?

To the foobar.

Why are all computer scientists such pessimists?

They always worry about the worst case!