Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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How do you improve public transportation in Ferguson, MI?

Move the trees closer together.

Why did they plant trees in Harlem?

Public transportation.

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Who can't tell the difference between short and long?

This subreddit mods

What's the difference between Michael j. Fox and an earthquake?

Earthquakes stop shaking

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What did the Illuminati say when they tried to read someone's mind, but failed to do so?

Curses, foiled again!"

What did the Pie say when he failed a math test?

How did I get these simple questions wrong! I am so irrational!"

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What's that, turkey?

GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well GOBBLE GOBBLE breaks turkey's neck no time for your riddles, in the oven you go

Why is it hard to break up with a Star Trek fan?

Because they are such Kling-ons.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

Why did the vegetables invite the mushroom to their party?

They heard he was a fungi

Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?

Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP

Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

What is the 100% guaranteed way to get younger looking skin?

Believe in reincarnation.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

How does a religious extremist convert an atheist into a holy man?

They use a machine gun.

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why doesn't a rooster wear underwear?

becuase his peckers on his head

What do you get when you throw a rabbit at someone's head?

Facial Hare