Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket?

Hey, I think he moved.

What is the most mysterious cheese?

I'm going to a cheese and wine party tonight and the host has requested I bring a "mystery cheese". I'm hoping there's a puntastic cheese out there somewhere that may fit the bill!

Guarantee Jokes More Guarantee Jokes

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"

What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

Why Can't Atheists Solve Exponential Equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What's the best selling soft drink in Italy?

Dr. Pepe

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

Itune Jokes More Itune Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding?

He force quit.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How'd Florida man break his leg raking leaves?

He fell off the palm tree

What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars"

Tumblr User Jokes More Tumblr User Jokes

Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen?

They are afraid of triggers.

What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?

Anti-oppressants.

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

Why should you never trust soap?

It's an emulsive lyer.

Where's the best place to hide money from a Mexican?

Under a bar of soap.