Pray Jokes

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying. Now what do you call it when God talks to you? Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

What is a hypocrite?

An atheist writer praying his book will sell.

Why is religion like mobile gaming?

Free-to-pray, pray-to-win.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What would Gregor Mendel pray for if he had a blender for his experiments?

Whirled Peas

What do you call a religious owl?

A bird of pray.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What is the last thing a tossed salad says to itself before being devoured by a human?

A: Lettuce pray

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

Why don't Baptist preachers color their hair?

They just pray the gray away

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

How do churches stay so strong?

They pray on the weak.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance. Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!!

Where does the Islamic botanist go to pray?

In the Mossque.

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

Why did the eagle fly into the church?

It was a bird of pray

What does Axl Rose do before he prays?

Gets down on his SHA-NA-NA-NA-NA-KNEES! KNEES!

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who should you pray to if you don't want the airplane that you are on to get diverted?

Diversion Mary

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

What kind of birds go to church every Sunday?

Birds of Pray

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

Who do cows pray to?

Moohammad

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Hope Jokes More Hope Jokes

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

What do the average woman and kids on a snow day have in common?

They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

Shoot him again.

Why did you leave us so early?

He is asked why are you so crying Do you cry about your close relative -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife.

Religion Jokes More Religion Jokes

What religion do ghosts practice?

Boo-ddhism

What do religions and gender have in common?

You hear about a new one every day and none of them make any sense.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How many Brits does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None. They just move out of the house.

When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?

Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.

Church Jokes More Church Jokes

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

What do you call it when Batman skips church..?

Christian Bale.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

What do you call a person who enjoy mondays?

Unemployed

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.