How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

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What'd you call this again?

Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!

How is God just like every other man?

If you're not on your knees, he's not interested.

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Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

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What do you call it when a prayer is answered?

A coincidence.

How do you end a prayer to the Noodle God?

Ramen.