Receive Jokes

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What is the best way to receive downvotes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

What's the best way to receive down votes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

Where do shoes receive their military training?

Boot Camp

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What do poor countries already have but also receive?

AID...S

Why did the scarecrow receive a prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a Doctor who received all 'D's in Medical School?

Doctor

What did the astronaut get on his science project?

He received a T minus.

Why did the sun-praiser receive the full inheritance from his grandmother?

Because he was the Solaire!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What workplace benefit do ebola quarantine nurses receive?

Hazardous doodie pay!

Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence?

He had no prior convictions.

What do all 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

How does god receive prayers?

knee-mail

Why did Dr.Pepper blush?

He received a Sunkist from his Crush

What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

What did Orion receive when he won second place in the archery contest?

The constellation prize.

Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

What's the highest form of praise you can receive from a pimp?

A: A back-handed compliment.

Whats the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?

Two test tickles.

Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar?

Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss

Why did the scarecrow receive an award?

because he was out standing in his field.

Where did you receive your education?

Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate Me: I yust got out in Yuly

What is courage?

He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

What did the asian do after receiving a test with a bad grade?

Bangladesh

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

Forty feet of track - all straight!

What does every Tickle Me Elmo receive before it leaves the factory?

Two testicles.

What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?

Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..."

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation?

A Rap Tour

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

What advice does Jay Leno receive when sad?

Chin up pal.

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What should a redditor receive after a terrible joke?

Karma. (Please forgive me)

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

What did the Hebrew's call it when they stopped receiving mana every morning?

mana-pause

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

What did the Ukrainian Scientist receive after discovering the dangers of radiation?

A Chernobel Prize.

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

Why did the scarecrow receive a Nobel Prize?

He was outstanding in his field.

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

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What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

What's the best way to fix a horse race?

Evolution.

Ray Rice Wife Jokes More Ray Rice Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

Prize Jokes More Prize Jokes

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did Patrick's girlfriend have to go to the doctor?

She had a weast infection.

Why did a physician go to prison?

His medical license was doctored.

Sister Jokes More Sister Jokes

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

I think we should sea otter people.

Why did the Raisin take a Prune to the Prom?

Because he couldn't find a Date!

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What does the interrupting cow say?

HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

Tape Jokes More Tape Jokes

Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars?

So they can park in handicapped spaces.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.