Hypochondriac Jokes

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

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Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

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Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

Conceive Jokes More Conceive Jokes

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Why is an abortionist good to have on your team?

If you conceive something, they can execute it.

Lighter Jokes More Lighter Jokes

Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere?

Because they don't have legs to walk, man.

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why does that sign say Grand Canyon?

Are you sure this is the right way Lemming: Just trust me, ok

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

What religion still believes in the Big Bang?

x-post from /r/imgoingtohellforthis Islam

Target Jokes More Target Jokes

Why would Target be the worst store to run the Enterprise?

Because they all wear red shirts

Why couldn't the rocketeer hit her target?

Because they were too Phar-ah way. I'm not sorry.

Reader Jokes More Reader Jokes

How does a one liner hurt its readers?

With its punchline

How to keep a reader in suspense?

removed

Basketball Jokes More Basketball Jokes

Where do Easter bunnies dance?

At the basketball.

Why hasn't Nintendo released a Mario themed basketball video game?

Because Japan isn't good at basketball.