Trouble Jokes

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

Why was the Boy having trouble finding power in the Cul-de-sac?

There was no outlet

What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue?

I'm stuck.

What keyboard shortcut do the elderly have the most trouble with?

Ctrl+P

Why did the teacher have trouble controlling her pupils?

She was cross eyed.

Why does Luke Skywalker never have trouble getting laid?

Because he always uses the force.

Why were the two Chinese scientists having trouble cloning a caucasian?

Because two Wongs can't make a white.

Why do men with prostate issues have issues stealing video game systems?

Because they have trouble taking a Wii.

What is the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man is shot?

The Secret Service

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why did the chicken get into so much trouble?

Because of its fowl language.

What do you call a boat that gives you nothing but trouble?

A woe boat.

Why don't black cops shoot unarmed white kids?

Because they'd get in trouble.

What's black and white and red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her head

What is it a volcano has which gives him trouble erupting?

Eruptile dysfunction.

Why did Simba have trouble returning to Pride Rock?

He ran into trafiki.

What does DMX say when he has trouble putting on a hoodie?

WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD WHERE DA HOOD AT?

What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."

What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble?

I didn't do it on Porpoise!!"

Why didn't 2x befriend x2 ?

He had trouble integrating

How do you tell a racist joke without getting in trouble?

Write it down.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why did the man bring his jar of jam to the abortion clinic?

He had trouble unscrewing it.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the one thing a hoarder has no trouble letting go of?

Their mind

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?

Rigor tortoise.

Why did Luke Skywalker get in trouble for using the Live Long and Prosper sign?

It's because he was accused of cultural appropriation.

Which ones?

Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble

What did the seaweed say when it was in trouble?

Kelp me!

Why dont you like Taylor Swift?

Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.

Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping?

Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!

Why do pirates have trouble walking?

Arrrr-thritis

Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China?

A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.

How are you doing in arithmetic ?

I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law?

I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Why do Communist Dictators have trouble getting their work done on time?

They're way too into Stalin

What did one plant say to the other plant that was annoying him?

Please leaf me alone! Or I'll tell my mom, and you'll get in trouble.

Why did the school boy need Viagra?

He was having trouble getting up in the morning.

This joke may have profanity.

Why does Axl Rose have trouble getting his car fixed?

Because no one wants to feel his serpentine.

What do you give an alligator who is having trouble hearing?

A gator-aid. Bet you did see that one coming:P

Why did the pasta get in trouble?

Because he was stroganoff!

Why did the pirate have trouble with the alphabet?

Because his 'I' was all jacked up.

Why did the chiropractor have trouble waiting behind people?

Because he didn't know what alignment. I hope this one cracks you up!

Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble?

Because it was a wrapped scallion.

Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?

He was way too autistic for his own good.

Why are Aluminum Phosphate ions so bad at math?

They have trouble forming solutions.

Why do few black people have a PhD?

They have trouble getting past their masters.

What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

An instagator!

Why don't urologists hand out stickers their patients?

Because they are always telling them "You're in trouble"

Why did the Saudi restaurant get in trouble?

They put the Umm Ali next to the Baba Ghanoush.

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Believe Jokes More Believe Jokes

What's the difference.... Between my girlfriend and santa?

Some people actually believe santa exist.

What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?

A "no one will ever believe me".

Pupil Jokes More Pupil Jokes

Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?

Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.

Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?

Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why was Princess Peach worried when Mario wanted to use her laptop?

She forgot to delete her Bowser history

Why should you use six hooks on your fishing line?

eFISHancy!

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

What do you call it when someone forces you to watch them take their clothes off?

A power strip.

Luke Skywalker Jokes More Luke Skywalker Jokes

Why did Luke Skywalker bluff in a game of poker?

He heard Obi-Wan in his head saying Out, I shall let myself.

What car does Luke Skywalker drive?

A Toyoda

Teacher Jokes More Teacher Jokes

What do you call a teacher who's always late for school?

Mr Bus.

Whatever's the matter ?

asked her mother. 'I don't know' replied Mary 'but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals.'

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when a pizzaman does an AMA on Reddit?

OP delivers.

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is the name of your Russian coworker you see the next day?

C. U. Tomorov

What are your go to jokes?

I was at an event the other day and someone asked "So... anyone know any jokes?" What's everyone's "go to" joke in social situations?