What do you call an alligator trying to start trouble?

An instagator!

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What's on TV?

I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started....

How many shags have you had?

He started counting then fell asleep.

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Why are there school shootings?

Mr.Garrison: "Let's start the day with a world news question. Why are there school shootings?" The media: "Violent video games?" Mr.Garrison: "Okay, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard.

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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Why dont you like Taylor Swift?

Shes awesome!". Because I knew she was trouble when she walked in.

What is the only law enforcement agency that will get in trouble if a black man is shot?

The Secret Service

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What do you call an alligator from India whose in charge of telling everyone what to do?

A Deli-gator...I'll be here all week!

What do you get when you cross a stock broker, a detective, and an alligator?

An investigator.