Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die?

Because he was in de-nile.

What's a pirates favourite letter?

You may think it's "Arrr", but nay, his first love be the "C".

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?

Pooping

Why did Fetty Wap chose that as his stage name?

Because he wanted to make $50K per day from ad revenue.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What do jesus and girls have in common?

The expression on their faces when they got nailed.

What would Jesus's favorite gun be?

A nail gun

Disappear Jokes More Disappear Jokes

What do you call a dad balloon that disappears?

Pops

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

What do you give an alligator who is having trouble hearing?

A gator-aid. Bet you did see that one coming:P

Why didn't 2x befriend x2 ?

He had trouble integrating

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

Why's the necrophiliac's blow up doll half inflated?

So he can pretend she's decomposing.