Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.

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What did the hippie say when he was asked to leave the couch he was sleeping/staying on?

Namast (nah-ima-stay)

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

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How many bad joke tellers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.

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What did Jesus say after he was resurrected?

Nailed it

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It popped a wheelie.

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Which nation doesn't do what it's supposed to do until it's too late?

Procrastination!

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A. Because they're not supposed to cross the streams

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Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.