Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

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Why did you leave your previous job?

ME: Because once they fire you they won't let you stay.

Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow?

He got snowed in.

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How many Buddhists does it take to screw a light bulb?

None. They believe that the enlightenment comes from within.

How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.

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Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

What does a crappy Carpenter make?

Loose stools

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Why did the Carpenters wife leave him?

Because he was screwing around.

Why did the carpenter's wife leave him?

He was screwing around when he was supposed to be nailing her.