What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?

SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!

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When your boss asks you "do I look stupid to you?

it's a rhetorical question I know this now

When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

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Why wasn't Hamlet sad when his girlfriend drowned?

He was more of a necrOpheliac anyway.

How did Jared Fogel lose 60 pounds?

He broke up with his girlfriend.

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Why did the left shoe marry the right?

Because they were "sole"-mates :)

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married?

Feyonce