What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Two counts of possession

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What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head?

Down for the count!

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

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What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges

How much will a pirate charge you for a piercing?

Buckaneer

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Why was the cookie monster arrested for computer hacking?

He was in possession of all the "COOKIES"

What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Two counts of possession