What did the neckbeard wizard use to find his way around Hogwarts?

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How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, as long as they can find a way in.

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.

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Why do women parachutists wear jock straps?

So they don't whistle on the way down.

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

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How do they perform abortions at Hogwarts?

Fetus Deletus

How much do flying broomsticks cost at Hogwarts?

Quid each.