What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

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What sound do dogs make?

3-year-old: Woof woof. Me: Horses 3: Neigh. Me: Pigs 3: Sizzle sizzle. Somebody understands bacon.

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

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What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

Why can't you tell a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They take things literally.