What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

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What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

What part of "No" don't you understand?

Probably the whole thing I'm guessing. It's a pretty short word. What You're a squirrel Sorry

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What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!"

Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate?

He couldn't take any more lip!