What do you call a kleptomaniac who doesn't understand figurative speech?

Someone who takes everything literally

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What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?

my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome

What kind of bee can't be understood ?

A mumble bee !

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Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

He couldn't take a joke.

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally