What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

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What came in the mail today?

Anthrax.

What did the knife say to the pretty lady?

Nothing, she knew what was coming...

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Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail of course!

Condom Jokes More Condom Jokes

How about if I put a balloon over it?

Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms

Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?

Because his life is at stake.

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.