Condom Jokes

Why do men carry condoms instead of women?

Because by the time women found a condom in their purses, kid would be 3 years old

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How do frogs make a condom more interesting?

They ribbit

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Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?

You're screwed if the rubber breaks.

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What's the difference between a baloon and a condom?

When a balloon pops - there's one less. When a condom pops - there's one more. Or more.

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Why would I donate 2 to save a kid's life?

I'd rather spend that 2 on a condom to prevent a kid's life.

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What did Jessie say to Buzz after the condom broke?

There's a mistake in my womb.

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Why does China have such a large population???

Because their condoms were Made in China.

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What's more useless than a condom at a feminist rally?

Everyone there.

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What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

What do you call a guy who wears two condoms?

Justin Case

What's the best part about going in without a condom?

The abortion.

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Why don't Brazilians wear condoms?

Because they all pull out.

What does a condom have in common with a coffin?

Ones for coming and ones for going.

What kind of condoms do frogs wear?

Rib-bed

Why did the pope have so many children?

Because his condom was a little holy...

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How does the stork bring babies?

It pokes holes in condoms.

How does a sailor remove a condom?

He farts

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What type of condom does Spock use?

Vulcanized rubber!

What's the first thing a redneck buys when going to a family reunion?

Condoms.

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Why did the Irishman wear two condoms?

To be sure to be sure

Why do Canadians wear tuques?

Because condoms are too brittle at minus 20.

What's the worst thing a girl can wear to bed?

A condom

What do you call that part of the pharmacy where they keep the condoms, birth-control pills, etc.?

The Contrasection.

What do condoms prevent?

Minivans.

What size box of condoms do you never want to buy?

The family size.

What's the best form of protection when you don't have a condom?

A fake name

Why did the guitarist keep his condoms in his guitar case?

He only needed them after he'd opened it.

What's the thin line between love and hate?

A condom.

What type of condoms does Ronald McDonald use?

McRibbed

Why do they make condoms with ribs?

So you can get traction in the mud.

How do you put a condom on a elephant?

You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

Why don't gypsies use condoms ?

They have crystal balls so they see it coming.

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

Well, both carry stiffs, but one's for coming and the other's for going.

What's the worst thing that could happen if you don't use a condom?

Your parents would know!

When do Catholics allow the use of condoms?

When the choir boys have diarrhea.

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

How do you know when a guy is really in love with his girlfriend?

When he starts using condoms with other girls.

How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

He farts.

Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.?

What Is Difference Between Bomb And Condom.? In A Bomb Blast Population Decrease.. * But. . * In A Condom Blast Population Increase..!

When does 1+1=3?

When you don't use a condom.

What do you call a condom within a condom?

Contraception.

What are the most useless items ever invented?

A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old.

How about if I put a balloon over it?

Would you touch it then " -guy who invented condoms

What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common?

Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

How are condoms like cameras?

They capture your special moments.

What do you call four condoms who play music together?

A rubber band.

What do blonde's have against condoms?

A: Their cheeks.

Why are condoms like cameras?

they both capture the moment.

When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?

I replied "No, she's not that ugly"

What does Kodak film and a condom have in common?

They both capture that special moment

How do we know God likes condoms?

Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure

What do you call a condom full of money?

Johnny Cash.

What would have to break to give you 18?

a condom

What is a surgeon's excuse for not wearing a condom?

Don't worry baby, I'm sterile.

Why did the man wear a frog for a condom?

So he was ribbit for her pleasure.

What kind of disease did the guy get when he skipped the condom and plowed a girl with down's syndrome?

Slow clap

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

What happens when you put a condom inside another condom?

Conception

Why are you packing condoms for a sailing trip with 10 guys?

I'm saying "Just in case." Now I'm traveling with a bigger case.

How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?

He farts.

Why don't catholics wear condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

Why are condoms transparent?

A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

What is a condom with a hole?

Kinder Surprise

Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?

A: To keep the swelling down.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?

A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going.

Why do Mexicans have so many babies?

Because they're too poor to afford condoms.

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What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?

Finding a condom in your hole!

Why does Bob Ross not use a condom?

Because he doesn't make mistakes, only happy little accidents.

What separates the men from the boys in the Catholic Church?

A condom.

What does a camera have in common with a condom?

They both capture that special moment.

What does Kodak film and Condoms have in common?

A. Both are made to capture special moments.

What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.

What's the difference between a condom and the space-time continuum?

There wasn't a hole in my dad's space-time continuum.

Why should you wear a condom when writing C++ code?

It's full of std vectors.

Why is it prestigious to wear a condom?

It's a members-only jacket.

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What happened when the bike ran over a nail?

It popped a wheelie.

Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ?

There was some money in the kitty !

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What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses "Dancing With the Stars"?

I was robbed" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself.

What do you call an arrogant convict coming down the stairs?

A condescending con, descending.

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What do you call a confidence game within a confidence game within (yet another) confidence game?

Conception

What happens when you put a condom inside another condom?

Conception

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What does 007 wear on his head?

A Bondana.

What do you call a cat wearing shoes ?

Puss in boots !

365 Condom Jokes More 365 Condom Jokes

What is, aside from being rubber, the similarity between an old car tire and 365 used condoms?

It was a Good Year...

What do you do with 365 used condoms?

Roll them into a tire and call it a Goodyear.

Bomb Jokes More Bomb Jokes

Where did Sally go when the bombs fell?

Everywhere.

Why is Iran called Iran?

Because when I saw the bombs, I*ran*

Trojan Horse Jokes More Trojan Horse Jokes

Why weren't there any black men in the trojan horse?

They couldn't fit.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

Stork Jokes More Stork Jokes

How does the stork bring babies?

It pokes holes in condoms.

What do you call a stork that doesn't bring babies?

A swallow