What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

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How many babies does it take to make light?

99, 98 get in a pile while 1 grabs a match and lighter fluid.

Where is the best place for a 1-legged waitress to work?

IHOP

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Why was the Mercedes Benz on sales?

Because they've removed 6 rows of yellow LED strips...

How do you turn a seal into a sea lion?

Remove an electron.

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What do you call a well read/researched Bernie Sanders supporter?

Not a Bernie Sanders supporter.

Why did the two chickens cross the road?

To avoid debating Bernie Sanders

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Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

What did the furniture salesman say when he wasn't happy with his haircut?

Its a chaise lounge.