What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

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Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Cause he can't do stand-up.

What does Math stand for?

Mental Abuse To Humans

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What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

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What does MSG stand for?

Mandarin Service Guaranteed.

What a Chinese Restaurant Owner's Preferred License Plate?

888 MSG