What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?

He had him newt-ered.

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What happened to the broken down frog?

It got away!

What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?

A: He got arrested just like you would've.

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What do you call a lizard on drugs?

A mariguana.

Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !