What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?

He had him newt-ered.

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What happens to a Canadian's car when it breaks down?

The owner calls Triple Eh.

What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What did the lizard get at home depot?

Reptile.

Why couldn't the lizard get it up?

He had ereptile dysfunction.