Lizard Jokes

Why don't snakes have legs?

Because otherwise they'd be lizards.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What do you call it when a lizard can't get it up?

Ereptile disfunction

What do you call a lizard on drugs?

A mariguana.

What did the doctor say to the lizard who was complaining about problems performing in the bedroom?

It sounds like you have a reptile dysfunction.

What do you call it when your lizard doesn't know how to use the internet?

e-reptile dysfunction

What do ya call it when a lizard goes completely limp?

A reptile-dysfunction.

What's the perfect line of work for a lizard?

Re-tail.

Why couldn't the lizard have any children?

It had a reptile dysfunction!

Why was the lizard upset with her husband?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ... Okay bye now

Why couldn't the lizard be aroused?

He had a reptile dysfunction (I just made that up but I'm sure it's been thought of)

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What kind of lizard can run the mafia?

The Iguanodon

What do you call it when a lizard has problems in the bedroom?

A reptile dysfunction

What did the lizard get at home depot?

Reptile.

Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !

Why did the lizard take viagra?

He suffered from a reptile disfunction.

This joke may have profanity.

Why was the lizard nervous in bed?

He had reptile dysfuncton

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ?

The Lizard of Oz !

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?

He had him newt-ered.

What do you call a lizard that doesn't work?

A reptile dysfunction.

Why did the lizards get a divorce?

A reptile dysfunction

What type of weed do lizards smoke?

Mariguana.

What kind of lizard goes into salad?

A Salad-Mander! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHILARIOUS

Why couldn't the lizard get it up?

He had ereptile dysfunction.

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Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

How did the psychiatrist break his leg?

He had a Freudian slip.

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

How bad are they?

Doctor: It depends, how old are you Patient: I will be 24 soon. Doctor: Pffff, no you won't.

What did the doctor say to the parents of an ugly baby?

I charge five dollars if its a boy and five dollars if its a girl. Lets just say this ones on the house.

Vehicle Jokes More Vehicle Jokes

What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa?

Outtagascar

Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?

Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What are you going to do with your time, now that you're retired?

I'm going to finish my book." "I didn't know you were writing a book." "I'm not, I'm reading one."

What did off-center say to tilted?

I don't know either he told me to askew!"

Home Depot Jokes More Home Depot Jokes

Why are we at Home Depot?

Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool?

Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

my girlfriend who's a high school teacher heard this from a student the other day) Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs? A: Lean Beef Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Ground Beef Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs? A: Your mom

What's the difference ?

What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went There is no difference, you always regret both!

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

What kind of drugs do ducks use?

Quack.

What drug did the mathematician do?

Math Salts.

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

How do you keep redditors in suspense?

I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow

What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

A: Luters.