Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !

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Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

Why did the lizards get a divorce?

A reptile dysfunction

Why couldn't the lizard be aroused?

He had a reptile dysfunction (I just made that up but I'm sure it's been thought of)

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

How do you tune a fish?

With its scales!

How does a fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales!

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did the sasquatch go on a diet?

He didn't want to be Obeast.

Why was the gunman on a diet?

Because he was still at large.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

How do you put a condom on a elephant?

You take the c out of ice and the f out of weigh.

What do you have there?

Me: struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down Ham.