Why did the lizard go on a diet ?

It weighed too much for its scales !

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Lizard Jokes More Lizard Jokes

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?

He had him newt-ered.

Why did the lizards get a divorce?

A reptile dysfunction

Scale Jokes More Scale Jokes

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

How do I get to 280?

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

What part of a fish weighs the most ?

It's scales !

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh?

It weighs *Won-ton*