What is a Mathematician specializing in absolute numbers called?

A Sith.

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How did the mathematician solve his problem with constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

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What do you call an Italian mobster who specializes in cold coffee drinks?

Al Frap-Pacino

What do you call someone who specializes in trains?

A trained professional

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What do you call a Sith lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

Where do the Sith shop?

At the Darth Maul. :3