What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with home sickness.

This joke may have profanity.

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What has two heads and six legs?

Nirvana

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

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What is the most effective form of birth control?

Abortions.

What do people in Prague call abortions?

Canceled Czechs

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How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".