What is red, slimy and crawls up your leg?

An abortion with home sickness.

This joke may have profanity.

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What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?

Matt

What walks on two legs, but can't move forward?

Americans who voted for Hillary

Abortion Jokes More Abortion Jokes

How do they perform abortions at Hogwarts?

Fetus Deletus

What do you call a black woman who has had five abortions?

A crime fighter.

Crawl Jokes More Crawl Jokes

Why is he 50m from where he got shot?

Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.