What is the result?

A tie.

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Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

What do the Welsh call a sheep when it's tied to a lamp post?

The leisure centre.

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What's the definition of irony?

An incongruity between expectation and result.

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One but don't expect results.