What laxative did the constipated man ask for?

Poop-ease

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What did Bill Cosby say when he was asked about the child abuse claims?

Kids say the darnedest things.

Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup?

Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!

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What does a novice woodworker have in common with a constipated woodworker?

In the end, both are lucky to produce a stool.

What's the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots but can't hit, and the other...

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How do you get money out of a piggy bank?

Feed it laxatives.

What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?

He didn't give a sh...