What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

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What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor?

Because he was Haydn

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Why can't Stephen Hawking dance?

Because he's white.

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

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What vegetable is a bug most afraid of?

Stephen Hawking

Why do chinesse make such terrible Estate agents?

Because non of the customers are ever comfortable with the idea of buying a house with a Hawk in the closet.