What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What do you call a skydiving tonsil who's afraid that something bad might happen?

Paranoid!

What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop a Lion from charging?

have a successful dentistry practise.

How do you stop a 6'4" 300lb black kid from charging?

You take away his EBT card.

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Why was everyone laughing at the sculptor?

He was making a funny face

Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?

Because I've "reddit" before

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What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

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What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?

The Cat in the AT-AT

What was written on the UNIX user's doormat?

There's no place like cd "