What brings you to speed dating?

Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.

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Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What does the head of the Catholic Church used to buy goods online?

Papal

What's the difference between a woman and a man?

A woman will buy something on sale even if she doesn't need it. A man will buy something he needs at full price. Then, what is the difference between a black woman and a black man? The black woman will steal something she doesn't need. The black man goes to jail because you can't hide diapers under a shirt.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why did ISIS leader bring a car-door to the desert?

So he could roll down the window when it gets too hot. How we joke in Kurdistan

Why do Native Americans hate it when it rains in April?

Because it brings Mayflowers.

Speed Jokes More Speed Jokes

What is the Speed of Darkness?

Batman!

What do you call a speeding vegetable?

Michael Schumacher.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why was Luke Skywalker late?

He didn't run, ewok-ed.

Who run da world?

points mic at me* ME: having briefly heard the song once before ...squirrels

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

How can people get engaged after dating less than a year?

You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker

Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?

Because he was sketchy.

Gf Jokes More Gf Jokes

What's the worst last words your EX-GF can say to you?

I do."

What do you do if your GF is having siezures in the bathtub?

Throw in your laundry.