What's the best way?

I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"

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Who was that, your girlfriend?

Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

Because he screwed up the delivery...

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What's the best way to bring out your inner child?

A coat hanger

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?

Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.