What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?

One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

What's the difference between Ethiopians and gorillas?

Nobody cares about Ethiopians dying. (First post on r/jokes and a bit offensive)

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What kind of papers do dogs write?

A ruff draft.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach?

Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him.

What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

My ex-wife

Happy Jokes More Happy Jokes

Why are YOU afraid?

Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW

What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you