What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a sperm and a racist?

A sperm as a 1 in a million chance of actually becoming a human being.

What's the difference between Cottage Cheese and Cream Cheese?

I didn't cottage in my pants

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?

You should know more than your dog.

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare?

Because Muslim girls can't go to school

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How did a Hispanic farmer propose to his girlfriend?

With arroz.

Where'd you get that black eye?

Me: My girlfriend gave it to me. Him: I thought your girlfriend was out of town. Me: I did too...