What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

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Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Who is the easiest to get a high-five from in a war?

The French. They always have their hands up.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?

Because two halves make a whole (hole) and you could lose your money.

What do you call a frog that jumps half the distance to its destination every time?

An asymptoad.