Scream Jokes

How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

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What's black?

Whats black and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What is the difference between a doorknob and a Zika baby's head?

When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.

What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

Why do most blind folks not skydive?

The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while.

What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help?

This is not a drill!"

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What's black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?

The screaming speed bumps

What screams "Allah Akbar" and then smashes your crockery to pieces?

A Daesh washer.

What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged?

Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on.

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Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?

She was wearing mittens

What's brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

What's the difference between a pizza and a baby?

A pizza doesn't scream when you break it in 8.

Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!

What's 18 inches and makes women SCREAM?

A stillborn.

What was Hamlet screaming when running around a circle ?

2(pi)r or not 2(pi)r....(snicker)

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

What's the difference between a cigarette and my exwife?

Cigarettes don't scream when they're burning.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?

A stillborn

Why did the sand scream?

Because the sea weed. ha.

What's the difference between a moan and a scream?

About 3 inches

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

What is loud and sounds like "apple"?

scream) APPLE!!!

Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?

She was wearing mittens.

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

What's red and black and screaming all over?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What is brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

How do black people die from a drive by?

Everytime someone screams "get down! " they stand up and start dancing!

What is 19 cm long, pink and my girlfriend screams when i put it in her mouth?

her abortion

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a guy who screams, "I love you, mom!" every time he climaxes?

Me.

What rings twice and screams once?

Ray Charles answering the iron

What's red and white and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

What is 7'' long, rock hard, and makes girls scream at it's sight?

The sock under my bed.

This joke may have profanity.

What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?

I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.

What is a vampire's favourite soup ?

Scream of mushroom !

What's taking the pharmacist so long?

It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

What's the difference between an M&amp?

M and a tiny mute in your tuna sandwich screaming for help? One melts in your mouth, one mouths in your melt.

What is Dracula's favorite pudding?

Leeches and scream.

Whenever I'm bored I stop a stranger and ask "where am I?

and whatever they say I runaway screaming "Hahaha I'm a genius! I can teleport!"

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

Why was the Doctor screaming angrily at his secretary?

He ran out of patients.

What's 18 inches long, and makes a woman scream the entire night?

Her dead baby.

What Would Justin Bieber Do?

scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly.

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

What's a monsters favorite desert?

I-Scream!

What do you call a screaming timepiece?

An alarmed clock.

What's the difference between a dog barking at the front door and a woman screaming at the back door?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth?

Their miscarriage

Why did Raggedy Anne get kicked out of the toybox?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

What's the difference between a kid and a drawer?

A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?

Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."

What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?

I Scream.

What do these 2 have in common What does your mum and a politician have in common?

When they scream they make no sense

What is easier to load your van with bowling balls or screaming baby's?

Baby's because you can use a pitchfork

Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?

That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming?

She's afraid of heights.

Why did the chicken run around screaming?

Because he had to use the bathroom.

What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?

A smoke aLaama.

What's white and red, 3 inches long, and makes dudes scream and run away when you show it to them?

A positive pregnancy test.

When do ghosts usually appear?

Just before someone screams.

What's cold and scary?

I-scream!

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.

What did Helen Keller do when she was drowning?

She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

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Helen Keller Jokes More Helen Keller Jokes

Why wouldn't they let Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she was a woman

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

She was a woman.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ?

A: Because it was dead.

Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?

It was important not to fall off the wagon.

' 90 Jokes More ' 90 Jokes

What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A millennial falcon.

What's the best thing about dating twenty nine year olds?

The get all you '90s references.

Cliff Jokes More Cliff Jokes

Why did Wile E. Coyote have a "Detour" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff?

To throw the Roadrunner off.

What's sad about three black guys driving over a cliff in a Cadillac?

They were my friends :(

Doorknob Jokes More Doorknob Jokes

What did Norman Bates call his little sister?

You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)

What is the difference between a doorknob and a Zika baby's head?

When you twist the doorknob it doesn't scream.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

What does it sound like to shoot yourself in the foot twice?

Pao! Pao!

Stevie Jokes More Stevie Jokes

Why couldn't stevie wonder drive the bus?

There's no steering wheel in the back of the bus.

What's brown and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

Drown Jokes More Drown Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

Why can you only drown a hipster in a tributary?

Because, it isn't mainstream.