What is 7'' long, rock hard, and makes girls scream at it's sight?

The sock under my bed.

This joke may have profanity.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

Why do girls who use Tumblr work so many odd jobs?

Because they literally can't even.

What do you call a girl who likes men with small d**ks?

Your girlfriend!

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream?

The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)

Sock Jokes More Sock Jokes

How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

Why did the seamen cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong pair of socks this morning.

Sight Jokes More Sight Jokes

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?

The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK