Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud?

He doesn't know how to turn things down

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What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

How does a poor man watch TV?

with binoculars. u know, he has to watch whatever the neighbours are watching.

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Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off?

Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss

Why are crime rates down in the US?

Because criminals keep turning themselves into police.

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Why is there no such thing as an epileptic exhibitionist?

Because flashing gives them seizures.

Why do they put half of the instructions in Spanish?

It drives me crazy. I feel like I am missing out on important information. They should put the whole thing in one language.

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What do you get when you cross Johnny Depp with Nicolas Cage?

Johnny Cage

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!