Girl Jokes

What do you call a girl on the grill?

Patty

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why do girls take 45 minutes to get dressed?

The only improvement you can make is getting undressed.

How do you know if a girl is ticklish?

Give her a testicle.

What do you call a girl with no legs?

Disabled.

How can you tell an ant is a boy or girl?

Throw it in water If it sinks = girl ant If it floats = buoyant

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

What do you call it when the girl you like likes you back?

Imagination

Why did the girl cry on the swing?

She has cancer

What do you call a girl who friend zones you?

M'lady

Why do girls go to the bathroom in groups?

Hermione went alone and was attacked by a troll

What's the difference between garbage and a girl from New Jersey?

Garbage gets picked up!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call a group of girls from a sorority?

A horde.

Whats the best way to get over a girl?

Get under another one

What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?

Girl you sure are sweet.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

What do you call a steak that is a girl?

Miss.Steak

What is a pirates nightmare date?

A girl with a sunken chest and no booty

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

Why is AIDS cooler than Forrest Gump?

Because AIDS gets the girl

What do you call a girl from Alabama who's faster than her brothers?

A virgin

How do you know you are dating a women, not a girl?

A girl has no name.

What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?

The Alaskan Bull Worm.

What does a guy from Philly dunk his pretzel in?

a girl from Jersey.

What happens to a girl with anxiety when she sees a Spanish person?

She has a hispanic attack

What do you say to a girl with a black eye?

Nothing. You already told her.

How many mangoes make a dozen?

Six girls )

What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?

It was worth a shot.

What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife?

The knife has a point

How do you know a girl with leprosy likes you?

She gives you the eye.

Where's the best place to pick up a girl who plays hard-to-get?

Around the ankles and wrists :D

What do you give a girl that has everything?

Penicillin

Why does Sirius Black get all the girls?

Because he's a real dawg.

How can you tell if a girl is under 18?

Ask her if she is a Bernie Sanders supporter.

What do you call two girls having their menstrual cycles?

A menstrual bicycle.

What's more disgusting than a hickey on a haemorrhoid?

The girl who puts it there.

Why was the girl with the Frozen balloon sad?

Because she...let it go!

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.

Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ?

Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.

How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?

You tell her that her smile is contagious.

Why are some girls so odd?

Because they can't even.

How can you tell if a loaf of bread is a boy or girl?

Feel around for the dough nuts

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

What is the difference between a girl in a church, and a girl in a bathtub?

The girl in the church has hope in her soul, and the girl In the bathtub has soap in her hole.

Why are girls always cold?

Because of their cold black hearts.

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?

cause they're ugly and they stink.

What do you call a girl who likes men with small d**ks?

Your girlfriend!

How does an ugly guy get the girl?

All he needs is game

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road ???

bc it was a girl named sally and it pooped itself

What do you call a girl with a unibrow?

Cuban

Why are girls so hot?

because they lay out in the sun so much lol :P

Whats the difference between a girl and a washing machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machince, it doesnt follow me around

What do museums and girls have in common?

It is always look but don't touch.

Why do girls wear so much make-up and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink.

Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys?

Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes.

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .

Why don't girls in San Francisco wear skirts?

Their balls would fall out.

What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

What did Jared say when the girl asked him for a footlong?

That he only has a 6 inch.

How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?

Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?

How do you impress a girl?

By growing up.

Why do girls always walk in groups of odd numbers?

Because they can't even...

Why did the cz-75 get the girl pregnant?

It took too long to pull out.

What do you call a girl with braces?

A Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker

This joke may have profanity.

How can you tell when a girl is vegan?

She'll tell you

Why do push up bras not work for some girls?

Because 0x0 is always 0.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because someone threw a fridge at her....

What do Jaqen H'ghar from Game of Thrones and Christina Aguilera have in common?

They both know "what a girl wants" and "what a girl needs".

Why do girls always get mad when I try to read their shirts?

It's not my fault I'm blind.

Why do girls have legs?

ever seen the trail a slug leaves?

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

What's the first rule for hitting on girls?

Hit them where it won't show.

What do you get the girl who has everything?

Penicillin.

Where do beers go to pick up girls?

Ho Gardens

What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved?

Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple....

What's the worst thing a girl can wear to bed?

A condom

What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes."

Why do girls who use Tumblr work so many odd jobs?

Because they literally can't even.

Where is the most ironic place to get a girl pregnant?

Abortion clinic.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a girl in between 2 houses?

Alane

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD

Why did the girls fall off the swing?

Someone threw a fridge at her. It's not supposed to make sense

Where did the girl go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall?

A total attention whore.

This joke may have profanity.

What do straight guys and lesbians have in common?

They both like girls

Why didn't the girl ride her bike to go water the neighborhood flower bed like usual?

Because the pedals fell off.

Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head?

Because she's knows what to spit and what to swallow.

Why do girls wear make-up and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

Why are girls like rocks?

You skip the flat ones.

What did Santa Clause give all the naughty boys and girls for Christmas this year?

He made them Batman.

Why can't the incredible hulk find a girlfriend?

Because all the girls know he just wants to smash

How do girls know when they are adults?

When they start to like spankings

What do girls and snowflakes have in common?

They can't drive cars.

Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies?

By the time they said "I'm not that kind of girl" they were.

What does a guy drink when he wants to go out with a girl?

DATERADE

What's the worst thing about banging a girl with a cold heart?

The rest of her is cold too.

How did the girl with fetal alcohol syndrome tag a picture of herself on instagram?

nophiltrum

Why do girls always go in threes when using the restroom?

Because they can't even.

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Ant Jokes More Ant Jokes

How many ants can you fit inside an apartment ?

Ten-ants !

Why doesn't the ant ever get sick?

He has lots of antibodies.

Simile Jokes More Simile Jokes

Why are teenage girls so much better at English than boys?

Girls, like, have a much better, like, grasp of, like, similes.

What is a simile?

It's like a metaphor.

Southern Jokes More Southern Jokes

What's the difference between a Southern wedding and a Southern tornado?

Nothing - either way someone's gonna lose a trailer *shamelessly stolen from Robin Williams

Why don't Southern girls engage in orgies?

Too many thank-you notes.

Little Girl Jokes More Little Girl Jokes

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich?

Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP.

Why do little girls put fishes down their pants?

So the can smell like big girls!

Diffrence Jokes More Diffrence Jokes

What's the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the diffrence between a Chickpea and a Gorbanzo bean?

I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face.

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

Why did the crazed Packers fan throw out all of Aaron Rodgers's forks?

They were too Cutler-y.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

How to have an unforgettable date?

1. Have a date. 2. Try not to forget it.

What happened when the Malaysian asked the Russian out on a date?

He got shot down.

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

How do you get a German out of the bath?

A: Turn on the water.