What would George Washington do if he were alive today?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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Scratch Jokes More Scratch Jokes

What do you call the loser in a hissing scratching cat fight?

A: Claude

How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?

Start from scratch !

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them?

Like, did you ask him Because only one of us is screaming right now.

Why did Helen Keller scream?

Her parents left the plunger in the toilet.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

How many sad soccer fans are there today?

A Brazillion...

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

Why did the vampire go to the doctors?

Because he was coffin...

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

George Washington Jokes More George Washington Jokes

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ?

He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !

What's the difference between George Washington and Nicki Minaj?

Nicki Minaj never owned slaves.(https://www.youtube.com/watch v=Gr1p4KtgOXc)