What's red and white and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

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Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?

I replied "No, she's not that ugly"

What do you call a pink slip served inside a bag of coffee?

Grounds for termination.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

Shake Jokes More Shake Jokes

Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up?

To shake things up on network tv.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

Salt Jokes More Salt Jokes

Why does salt melt snow?

Because when your salty you melt down in tears.

What do you call Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali?

Salt and Pepper shakers

Skin Baby Jokes More Skin Baby Jokes

What's red and loud?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

What's purple and sequels?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt. *squeals